


still objects

by smarky



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: F/F, Internalized Misogyny, Masturbation, Sexual Fantasy, Voyeurism, Wax Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-29 21:56:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21417298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smarky/pseuds/smarky
Summary: Even after Kanae's memories of the Mikage Seminar are erased, she continues to be frustrated by Anthy.(Contains fantasies of non-con with an apparently but not actually teenage character. The person with the fantasies is 18 and has suspicions about the "teenager's" inhumanity.)
Relationships: Himemiya Anthy/Ohtori Kanae, Ohtori Akio/Ohtori Kanae
Comments: 5
Kudos: 17
Collections: Femslash Exchange 2019





	still objects

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MiriamKenneath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiriamKenneath/gifts).

This is how Kanae strives to live her life: filial piety, compassion for her siblings, and caring for her husband before herself. Failure means her family will fall apart. Kanae's father took her down the wall of portraits of the Ohtori family when her engagement was decided, stressed to her that she was just a tiny droplet in the ocean of their long history. Her successful marriage, and her immaculate presentation of their family to the public, is everything, almost her life's purpose, because otherwise the work of everyone before her goes to waste. 

But in her fantasies, Kanae shocks herself with how little those pretty words mean to her.

There, Kanae gives up on having a perfect family. Specifically, she gives up on Anthy. Kanae rewrites her memories-- when she’s trying to get Akio to go beyond kissing her and Anthy interrupts to change a candle, instead of awkwardly composing herself and leaving, she rips the stupid candle out of Anthy’s hand and smears the licorice red wax over Anthy’s arm. 

Anthy cries fearfully, beautifully, finally giving Kanae a reaction beyond that vacant smile. She's startled enough that Kanae easily kicks her down. Kanae shoves Anthy’s face into the carpet, so she’s struggling to breathe and trembling, never knowing when and where Kanae will touch her again. Kanae holds the candle high and builds up her anticipation, then pours enough wax to pool on Anthy’s plump thighs, hoping it leaves a burn Anthy won’t be able to forget about for a while. That Akio by some stroke of magic vanishes from the room entirely is because she knows he would try to stop her, like any decent brother, and she doesn’t want the moment ruined. 

Kanae etches out time in the schedule in her planner just to daydream. She doesn’t need to yet, her days are almost empty other than school, but she wants to prepare to be like her mother with all her social appointments. And the more her mind is elsewhere, the less she's considering about what might happen to her father or visiting him and barely finding the strength to keep him from sensing her anxiety. 

She started out just doing it in her bedroom-- locking the door, getting under the dark world of the covers, shoving her arm under her panties and grinding furiously, because she’s not ready to penetrate herself yet, that’s for Akio to take, that’s real sex. She has to stay a virgin for him. 

But it gets more and more tempting to touch herself in the Chairman’s tower, for both the thrill of potentially getting caught and being easily able to lay on the couch and smell Akio there. It’s more likely that Anthy would catch her than Akio, with how it seems like fate keeps leading him to be across the campus from her no matter what time it is, but she doesn’t think too hard about that. 

Maybe some business guests will walk in, she thinks, sending a sick thrill through her. That would ruin her reputation, nevermind her family’s. Everyone would think she was a whore, and she might never be taken seriously again. It's terrifying and yet exciting, the idea of throwing everything away for a moment’s gratification, to change her life forever and perhaps never have an obligation to her family again. But once Kanae's satisfied herself, she always remembers that she doesn't have much to live for beyond Akio, and something like that would likely lead him to leave her. 

One day, Kanae doesn’t know when, it will be their wedding night, and Akio will finally claim her. She has no idea what it will be like, and it seems so far in the future it’s almost discouraging to think about, as if the more she hopes the less likely it will happen. 

Anthy, though-- Kanae could rip her shirt up the middle today, and dig her nails into Anthy's breasts, test the weight and firmness of them, make her squeal. Almost the way her friends groped each other in sleepovers, but it was just a tease to rule out cowards then. Kanae wouldn’t let Anthy beg off or twist away. Kanae’s cunt throbbed, thinking about how ruined Anthy would look, unable to run and face the public. Kanae would keep her in place, would hold Anthy’s heart in her palm. 

Kanae had been confused and guilty, the first time her brain made these connections, the first time she thought about anything other than slapping Anthy or yelling at her. But every time the thoughts came back, it was because of action Anthy took. Maybe if she hadn’t let her pet play with their father’s food when she was supposed to be caring for him, or lingered her hands around Kanae’s throat when returning her scarf, or smiled during reports of murders on the night time news, or stuck so close to Akio when she knew he and Kanae were doing things for adults, then maybe she wouldn’t deserve this tiny, unknowable offense. 

If Kanae believed Anthy was just a ditzy teenage girl, she wouldn’t have wanted to punish her so harshly. Looking into her cold eyes, the eyes of someone carrying hundreds of years of hate and itching to let it out, Kanae wasn’t sure she believed Anthy was human at all. It was too strange a coincidence, that in decades-old yearbooks Kanae had found pictures of a girl that looked just like her. 

She cuts it close one day. Kanae's sliding her thumb just to the side of that place that sends a jolt through her, the wet noises it’s making almost too embarrassing to take, and then she hears Akio and Anthy's voices. 

She pulls her panties up and wipes her fingers against the wet cloth in her purse, smooths down her hair and puts on her most serious expression as she sits down on the couch to wait for Akio. Kanae's rehearsed this before, after a squirrel rattling the window once made her think she had been caught. 

"You're here," Kanae says when she sees him. "I've been trying to catch you all weekend. Come sit down."

Akio pauses before he acknowledges her, briefly squeezing Anthy and… touching her lip? He moves too quickly for Kanae to be sure. It’s probably another sign of devotion Anthy had demanded from him, as greedy and mercurial as she is.

"I'm afraid you'll have to wait a bit longer, my dear. I have a meeting with a student before I have to get back to work."

Of course Akio is busy again. He always is. 

Kanae shouldn't assume this has to do with Anthy, but she has a suspicion. 

"Anthy's friend?" 

Akio inclines his head in confirmation, and when he slides down next to her, he lets her tangle their fingers together. "She's about to arrive, so why don't you have some tea with Anthy? You two haven't spoken in a while." 

Kanae's hand clamps down on Akio's instinctively, as if to beg for his protection, or hope he’ll sense she needs to get off, before she makes herself let go. Akio doesn't squeeze back. At least he’s wearing her favorite cologne, with its hint of lilies amidst the musk. 

"What happened to that?" They’re using a nice set of teacups, one of her and Akio’s engagement gifts. Except the cup that Anthy’s lips are around has thick cracks in it, repaired clumsily with some kind of brown glue, like mud slung over it. 

"I broke it. Akio said it shouldn't go to waste."

"Well, I think it looks… almost more beautiful than it did." If it had been kintsugi, repaired with gold, maybe it could be shown off, but it was nothing but embarrassing to be using broken things as a wealthy family. But… maybe there’s a sort of charm to it. 

"It can never be what it was before, but it's still perfectly usable." Anthy says it with cheer. As usual, it's frustratingly impossible to catch her eye. 

They quickly have nothing left to chat about, given Anthy’s short answers, so Kanae decides to make dinner for Akio to have when he’s finished his meeting. Kanae knows Anthy never had anyone to teach her to cook like she did, so Kanae tells her that today she’ll take that role, as Anthy’s big sister. Surely doing something that meaningfully helps Anthy will make Anthy begin to like her. 

“Yes, Kanae-san,” says Anthy. It’s a taunt Kanae won’t dignify with a response anymore. 

Anthy frequently mixes up the measurements Kanae tells her, when she's not combining the wrong ingredients and forcing them to start over. Kanae figures she can't mess up chopping carrots, but Anthy nicks herself with the knife, and then somehow her blood is staining the white flour. Kanae reminds herself that Anthy is just a beginner and she shouldn't be assuming ill will. Maybe Kanae's explanations hadn't been clear enough, after all. 

What's frightening is the pit that lodges in Kanae's throat as Anthy sucks on her injured finger. She's aroused again in spite of herself, seeing Anthy hurt, her daydreams rising in her mind like the bread she can smell in the oven. Kanae wants to take that knife and hold it to Anthy's throat, force her down to her knees until she's sucking Kanae through her panties, choking on the taste of velvet. 

Anthy traps Kanae against the counter reaching in the cabinets for a new bowl, her breasts pressed firmly against Kanae's. Kanae's chest tingles violently, and she clenches her hands to keep from shoving Anthy, or worse. She feels like she’s boiling, her frustration with Anthy's offenses piling higher and higher. 

They manage to get all the ingredients ready again. Anthy is carrying a bowl, about to pour its contents into the pan. Akio will be so delighted when he tastes--

Anthy's pet calls to her in another room, the Ohtori family portrait room, and she rushes in to find it and trips over its little body, splashing the bowl's contents over one of the paintings. Tetsuya Ohtori. His face is covered, ruined forever.

Anthy falls back against the wall, the fabric of her dress pooling around her, more of a picture of shock and distress than her unreadable expression. "I'm sorry! How clumsy of me! Don't blame Chu-chu, please, it was all my mistake."

Kanae doesn’t know how to respond.

"Oh well. The portraits all look the same. No one will notice if one is gone." Anthy finally makes eye contact with Kanae, the stress of it piercing through her. Anthy must have done something to her, because her vision is swimming and suddenly the portraits share one face. This is her chance to put Anthy in her place, isn't it? 

Kanae makes a noise like a sob, unable to form words like an animal, and grabs Anthy, shakes her. Anthy goes with it, lets Kanae hold her weight, as unresistant as a ragdoll. Kanae can feel the warmth of Anthy's body under hers, a mixture of anger and arousal and fear shifting in waves in her stomach. She doesn't know what to do, whether to push up Anthy's limp head and kiss her, or strangle her, or try any of the things she’s been dreaming to do. 

There’s Akio's laughter, muffled through the wall. Kanae drops Anthy to the ground. She finds herself frozen, unable to act any more than she has. 

Some of Anthy's hair has fallen out from her updo, curling around her face. Even her glasses are ajar. She looks at Kanae through her eyelashes, and smiles, in a sharp way Kanae has never seen before. It's like she's laughing at Kanae, taunting her, without making a sound. 

"I-- I'm going to call Mother about the accident," Kanae croaks, and flees. 

When her mother finally picks up, she tells Kanae that she’s making a fuss, the portrait doesn't matter at all. Yes, what’s important is the living family in front of her.


End file.
